Yesterday I faced the very difficult decision of calling Roscoe's vet tomorrow and making an appointment to have him Euthenized.
I sat and thought about what an active, feisty furbaby he has been all his life. From chasing his mice around the floor to playing soccer with bits of litter compared to these past few weeks when he became sicker and sicker and had to be hospitalized. The yahoo support group I found encouraged me with medications and sub-q IV treatment that I could give him a few more months of quality life.
I asked myself as I sat with tears in my eyes what kind of quality of life was I giving him? I look at my wonderful kitty and can't help but cry when I see him hiding behind the bathroom door, not eating, struggling to his water dish and litter box. The hardest part which makes my tears flow is his not wanting to be held. The struggle giving him medications that I have to force on him and the IV's is not being kind but cruel to a dying kitty.
Yesterday my sister asked me if I was going to have him cremated and if not her friends husband makes small pet shrouds. She has picked out a burgundy one for him and will go with me to the vets. Her husband is going to make him a box and prepare his final resting place out under the trees and ferns.
This has been a very difficult decision to make. I knew when he was hospitalized and I signed a DNR form that I had started coming to terms with loosing him. I am ready to end his pain hard as it is for me to let go. I will miss our lap times as he dances around while I brush him. I will miss him on the bed at night I will miss my companion when John is gone.